A RANT, A SHOW, A PODCAST AND A HO

First the show: Jacob and I had the great fortune to obtain 10th row seats to the Gwen Stefani concert tonight. IT...WAS...FANTASTIC! Gwen was a paradigm of sparkle motion wrapped in a hundred pounds of fun flanked by sexy mens. I was moist.

A podcast: Dan and Jimmi randomly called me while I was waiting for Lady Sovereign to open for Gwen. They couldn't have selected a better moment to FINALLY include me in their little exclusive podcast clique. Now that they gave me a proper interview I suppose I'll start regularly listening. =)

A rant: To American parents: WHAT IN HOLY HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL?? As Jacob and I took our seats at the concert tonight we quickly realized that there were an unusually high number of children present. At first all I did was feign annoyance but this quickly morphed into utter disbelief. The opening acts for Gwen were Lady Sovereign and Akon. For those of you who aren't aware, Akon recently had his security grab a guy out of the crowd and toss him on stage so that he could be picked up by Akon and TOSSED viciously back into the crowd. See video below.



Back to my point, both of these acts were NOT G rated. I'm entirely guilty of throwing out the f bomb amid a frenzy of other expletives but I don't do this around kids. All I can surmise is that either these parents are so devoid of any knowledge regarding what their children culturally absorb or they just don't care. In either actuality...SHAME ON YOU. I couldn't in 10 million years fathom bringing my pre-teen to that concert. What was scarier was that these innocent looking young girls turned into bubble gum hookers the second the music started. They knew every lurid dance move, every dirty word and every foul gesture that went along with it. I'm by no means a prude but I was really freakin' upset by it. Parents..how about we try to set an easily obtainable goal: RAISE YOUR KIDS SO THAT THEY ARE STILL VIRGINS BY THE AGE OF 11. If you make it that far I'll tip my hat to you because from my point of view half those kids were busting moves that I have to see on pay per view. I love freedom but I'm not so sure I would balk at a constitutional amendment requiring certification to breed at this point.

Finally...a ho: Dan, I just finished listening to your podcast and I'd like to make a couple points. #1) It has not been 8 months since my last post and I did not post just to legitimize my presence at the party Saturday. It's all good, I know that since it has been ages since your last podcast you felt the pressure to make a quip at my expense to spice up an otherwise bland bowl of porridge. Ok ok ok yes I have been on a blogging hiatus but we can thank work for that. All is forgiven ;) #2) Do we really need to refer to my street as a crack ridden alley? WAIT...OH FUCK...I do live on a crack ridden alley. Ok scratch point number two. .

Can't wait to see everyone this weekend!

Happy little tree

My sister sent me a video this afternoon of a show that I used to adore as a kid but haven't thought about in ages. I'm sure most of you know who Bob Ross is..? He's the painter who had a public access show in which he'd crank out nature paintings in each episode. I swear this man had the most soothing voice. I used to love sitting at home nodding off to him talking about happy little trees and happy little clouds with the sound of his brush strokes in the background. He almost put me asleep today at the office watching the video on youtube. Screw NyQuil...just toss him on your TV at night. ZZzzzzz ZZZzzzzz ZZZZZzzzzz

Conflicting Careers

Ok people, if I've said it once I've said it a thousand times...if you're going to be a rapist you need to be sure that your day job is not as a news anchor. Jesus, some idiots just don't think ;)