Why is there a shoe on your mantle?

Last night I met up with Jake and two of his co-workers for some post grind cocktails. After a few hours, some hysterical conversations and a massive tab, we all decided to relocate to good ol' Natoma. The evening was progressing swimmingly though I fully should have anticipated some crazy from the streets below. Yes, this is yet another Natoma story but this one takes the cake over all others to date.

So we were all sitting around enjoying our glasses of wine when some unintelligible ranting began to filter in from the windows. Being a curious individual I quietly slipped out onto the balcony and looked down onto the now infamous street. There was a man and a woman camped out in what I'm officially dubbing the "crack nook" on the side of the building across the street. Jake and his co-workers at this point had their interest piqued and decided to join me outside to watch in horror as this incident played itself out.

This man seemed to be fumbling around with the woman's leg and for a few minutes we couldn't quite determine what his end goal was. That is until he pulled up her pant leg and proceeded to shoot her up with whatever chemical de jour they had the good fortune of obtaining that evening. Eww, don't, gross, stop, please....and it was over. I thought. Once her tonic took hold she appeared to be getting a little.....excited? One of Jake's co-workers made a noise which quickly garnered the attention of the man below. Apparently he enjoys an audience because he began to rub her womanly parts. Thus began the horror of the evening. She stood up, peeled off her hootchie shoes, yanked off her pants and under garments, planted one leg up on the side of the wall and positioned herself over her man. You see where this is going don't you? That's right, he proceeded to perform oral sex right there, on my street, in plain view of the world and in particular my balcony.

The four of us stood there, locked in a death gaze, unable to blink, breathe or move. This went on for a few minutes before I decided that I needed to make it even more blog worthy. (Nick's internal thought) "Certainly the dog needs to go out right now". Down the stairwell I bolted with my dog grumpily being dragged behind. As I opened the door to the street I catch the woman zipping up her pants. She strolled over to me with what I can only describe as some vestige of a proper swagger commonly found in southern women and said, "Now you have a good evenin' honey" and walked away. I was dumbfounded. Were we really their audience and my street their theater?? After the initial stupor faded I glanced across the street and noticed that she had left her shoes. Naturally I needed a momento of their show, so I nabbed one. It is now prominently displayed on my mantle above the fireplace. Let's call it a conversation piece.