Crack is whack....or is it back......hmmmm

Whitney stopped me on the street tonight and she eloquently conveyed her concerns that I might be painting San Francisco in a grim light. I first and foremost wanted to clarify my intentions and secondly found our conversation stimulating so I asked her if she'd go on the record with me. The following is a transcript of our conversation.

Whitney: CRACK IS WHACK!!

Nick: Yes, so true, crack certainly is whack but I'd like us to get back to the point you previously made to me regarding my last post. You incinuated that I'm putting an ugly face on San Francisco. My only response is that my last post was purely in jest and entirely in response to people and situations I've personally encountered in my neighborhood. There are so many incredible and intriguing aspects to this city, all of which I fully intend to report on in the future.

Whitney: It's like, that's my lair and nobody messes with my lair.

Nick: Oh Whitney, you sassy manx....but seriously let's focus here..........HEY........HHEEEYYYY..... eyes open woman!

Whitney: [Wha! Who? Wha?] : I believe the children are our future

Nick: That's right, the children are our future and while we're on the topic of family, let's discuss yours.

Whitney: I've got a good man. He takes care of me. I don't have to be scared of anything because I know he will kick every ass... disrespect him and you've got a problem.

Whitney: Bobby will take my hand and put it on his face-that's romantic.

Nick: Umm did you just get back from a trip to de-Nile? Do you read the tabloids? Do you even read?

Whitney: [shrugs]

Nick: I hate to be the one to break this to you but the S.S. Bobby has sailed. How does that make you feel?

Whtiney: I have no idea what I want, like I'm just a puppet

Whitney: .............CRACK IS WHACK

Nick: Mmmmhmmmm, why do you keep saying that when we all know you like to dabble. Aren't you aware you look like highway road kill? Haven't you noticed the looks you get?

Whitney: I was scared to death. I was aware of people staring at me. No one moved. They seemed almost in trance.

Nick: [laughing] Well yes it really can be disconcerting to see walking death.

Whitney: I would rather not talk about my personal life.

Nick: I completely understand. I wouldn't want to talk about my personal life either if I were giving an interview to an unknown while frantically shooing imaginary flies away from my train wreck of a face.

Whitney: I coulda been a rich man if I accepted all the bribes from the guys wanting to be in this room today.

Nick: Yeah, we're on the street, you're not a man and the aromas out here aren't appealing to me. Whitney, it has certainly been a.....I've enjoyed our......yeah I'm going to go upstairs to shower. Please keep it down tonight. Your voice isn't what it used to be and if I have to hear your banshee whails again at 3am I'm calling the cops.

*** Disclaimer: While this "interview" is completely ficticious, all comments made by Whitney are actually documented quotes. Go ahead, google them........