Bowing to peer pressure.....

After six months of mounting pressure and much to their expected smirks, I have finally caved to the ranks of my blogger friends. So what do you say we do the meet and greet before I proceed to the actual reason I've utimately decided to sell out, sign up and buy in....

I originally hail from the ever beautiful, eternally liberal and all round kick ass city of Austin, TX. For those of you who are preparing to boo and hiss, Austin IS NOT stereotypical Texas so if you haven't been there, please direct your jeers elsewhere. I've always said that I felt disadvantaged growing up in a city that I truly love. While I'm an avid traveller, it never really provided me the impetus to go and out live elsewhere, until now. Fast forward to six months ago and my company decides to move operations to Dallas. I was given the option of taking a very generous severance package or moving up there with them. Needless to say that part was a complete no brainer. The less obvious part was deciding my next course of action. So my boyfriend and I had a discussion and decided on a whim to have a little adventure, a.k.a San Francisco. Finding a job was easier than anticipated (hadn't even finished my resume before I landed exactly what I was looking for) and I was on a plane to SF with two days notice. Finding a place to live was without a doubt more difficult and then actually moving was the proverbial icing on our stress cake. Blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda and there's the very quick and dirty on my background.

This brings us to the part where I tell you why I'm actually starting this blog. For the first few months after moving I would write these long, hilarious, action packed e-mails home to friends and family to keep them abreast of my "adventures". Invariably I would get the "you're kidding...that did not happen" response. So I'm going to be documenting the fun/insanity this city and particularly my street have to offer (with pictures when possible).

We found an amazing loft in SoMa (South of Market St. for those not from SF) but I'd be more than full of crap if I told you our immediate neighborhood was, ummm, dazzling. There's a mission right down the street and no that's not mission as in an area of SF but more like homeless mission. That's cool, I'm game, always up for a little diversity and the spirit of good will, right? Well sort of...let me provide some equations to help illustrate things:

THE SIMPLE AUSTIN EQUATION-
1) Austin + homeless = you at a stop light in your car rolling up your window so that you don't have to make eye contact with the ubiquitous, fairly well dressed man or woman holding a cardboard sign stating something about God and money.

THE NOT SO SIMPLE SF EQUATION-
2) San Francisco + homeless = (please see below)

A) For smokers: Cup your cigarette in your hand as you pass someone questionable. Flaunting nicotine delivery devices will result in many an unwelcomed "do you have one for me".
B) Confrontation avoidance methods: Sunglasses and headphones provide adequate plausible deniability.
C) Boxes: They're not just for packing anymore. Try to contain your shock when you walk by one that suddenly moves.
D) Dumpsters: See above
E) Wet side walks: It's rarely water
F) Dog poop: It's rarely from dogs
G) Drugs: If they're facing a wall to conceal, it's rarely a cig they're lighting.
H) Time of month: The city pays you to be homeless
I) Time of month: The 1st and 15th bring out the drug scaries (see above)
J) Psychotic rants: They are frequent, they are audible from your bedroom, they are without regard for time of day/night and they can last longer than El Nino....buy ear plugs.
K) Walking your dog: Be weary of the people who yell at your dog; be more weary of the ones who laugh uncontrollably just because there IS a dog.
L) Getting caught with your guard down: If you happen to get cornered and someone yells "Gimme a quarter!!", retort with "Give me a dollar!!". Chances are they're messed up enough to do it. Trust me...I've seen this work.

So that's just a sample of what I've learned so far with regards to dealing with the rampant homeless dilema in this city. Last night was actually the pinnacle of shocking experiences on this topic of discussion. As I was walking my dog down the street last night to do his business, I noticed two people sitting against the wall just across the way. Finding myself without sunglasses and headphones I realized I was treading into dangerous territory. Like clockwork the man yells, "hey, you wanna buy a watch", and without glancing over at him I chuckled and politely said no (another no no.....I dropped my guard and spoke). So dog and I continue walking until he's added to the abundant sidewalk art after which we turn back for the safety of the loft. This time as I approached the two people I got a better look and noticed that the woman was on her hands and knees but entirely covered with a blanket. The guy now yells, "hey man, you know you want some of this...it's damn good" and he removes the blanket to reveal her bare posterior and his finger going where I certainly didn't want to see it going. It quickly dawned on me that he was pimping her out right there on my street.

So yup....loads of fun, never a dull moment and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Such is San Francisco, you take the good with the bad and I've just scratched the surface. This is Nick signing IN and these are The Chronicles of Natoma.